It took 7 years of me being so ill that i could not function in any 'normal' capacity before i was eventually diagnosed with having Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, accompanied by Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia syndrome, and a whole host of other conditions associated with these diagnosis's. My cure; I found my way to a life where non of these conditions live in the forefront of my awareness anymore, where i can recover quickly from set backs, where i understand the true depth of my purpose, my way of living, and i can make daily conscious decisions to avoid attaching to a condition that i only have to be predisposed to. Yet i found myself hiding away in the jungle, living my newly restored life in humble hidings, too afraid to stand up and tell my fellow chronic illness warriors that i made it through and out the other end, i recovered, i got a wonderful life back. Maybe not the 'training for 12 hours a day' kinda energy that i used to have, but a healthy, happy, pain free, non suffering, productive life. Read the full blog post below
When i look back on my own journey of healing chronic illness, nature has always been my escape, my home, my safety, my strength, my wisdom and my place of enchantment. I crave nature often, it calls to me, i call for it, and every trip back home always starts with a walk in these beautiful enchanted mysterious woodlands. In just one breath, just one step on the cold moss covered lands of our mother earth, i am reformed, i am one with all that surrounds me, stress cannot reach me, i am in that moment everything that i want to be. So it calls to me that maybe we misinterpret our healing journeys as entirely with struggle, how can that be, when despite the conditions of our physical bodies at any given moment, we can still experience a wholeness with everything that is? Is it then that we create struggle?
"Ayurveda seeks to balance the mind, body, and spirit to help maintain optimum health; it has great potential to keep you balanced and energized while traveling. Not surprisingly, traveling has the effect of depleting and creating disharmony within the doshas, creating imbalances in your body and mind. One particular dosha, Vata, is affected the most. Vata is the embodiment of change. It is composed of space and air and it likes to move. When placed in an environment like traveling that requires a lot of movement and change, it can be overloaded, leading to the above-mentioned symptoms. If you want to have a smooth trip, balance your Vata dosha." Incorporating these principles into my travel i created my guide to balanced travel with chronic illness, which helps me avoid my main symptoms which are heavy fatigue, wide spread pains and chronic constipation and bloating.
I was first introduced to Mindfulness practise about 8 years ago during my compulsory Occupational Therapy sessions at a hospital in England, where i was being treated for Chronic Fatigue. Quite frankly it was an awful experience, and i'm sure it would have put many people off learning the true purpose of such a powerful and healing practise. It was clinical, cold, and merely covered the mechanics; it was taught for the strict intention of pain relief but denied any deeper teachings. Thankfully i was fortunate enough to be reintroduced to the practise at a private chronic fatigue clinic in London, and although the journey into my own mindfulness practise wasn't instantaneous, i am ever thankful that the universe had conspired to give me another opportunity. I do believe that the conspiracy would have continued until i damn well listened though!
When your experiencing chronic illness there's so much to take in, so much we don't understand, you loose so much that you used to identify yourself with, you have no idea who you really are anymore, and your life has become a constant battle ground that most certainly wasn't in any of your life plans before this happened! Your no longer a goddess of divine feminine energy, your in reversal, your aligning your 'inner' you to your 'outer' you; to your chronically ill body. 'Our Inner Goddess is matching who you are on the inside with who you are on the outside'
Since stumbling across this question last night, and after flooding my journal with meaningful ramblings and insights provoked by this question, my mind has written at least twelve versions of this blog post on the subject! I felt connected immediately with the question, i knew it was going to be something powerful for me (at this moment in my journey), it was something i needed to be asked. Many questions come and go in your mind every day, but this one stayed with me, i fell asleep asking myself 'Where are you playing small in your life right now?, Why?", and i woke up asking the same question.
For years now I've been working my way through a journey of healing, stubbornly refusing to accept a future of suffering, and humbly accepting the many lessons that have opened up to me. And there have often been periods of stagnation, frustration that i'm not moving forward anymore; followed by sudden realisations which have opened those blocks and accelerated me forward. This surrender has been one of those realisations, not a path changer (that happened back in 2011, which i shall write about soon!), more of a diversion that has just joined back on the path it had intended to be on!